3 ways your cat can make you money



Cats, the true overlords of the internet. Some are grumpy, they "can haz cheezeburger"?, they are in your base killing your dudes. It's time for the human revolution to begin! Stop being your cat's poop slave and make that freeloading bastard earn you some income.


Put them out to stud



So unless you listened to the late Bob Barker and spayed and or neutered your cat. You could let your cat breed with other cats for a fee. You think your cat is good-looking, derpy or maybe it looks like a celebrity. Other people will probably want what you got, so why not get your cat laid and make some cash. I do not condone a kitten mill type scenario, that's not cool. I'm suggesting trading quantity for quality. Save those amazon boxes, cut holes in them to make a cat jungle gym. Lay down an old coat, sprinkle catnip around. Make your clients pay for the ambiance as well as the privilege. I know being a feline pimp isn't something you want on your resume but Midnight spaghetti isn't free.


Influencer



Do you know what doesn't need cat ear headphones to look like a cat? An actual cat. This is how cats became our overlords in the first place. Ruling over us with their personalities, cute but manipulative behavior, and mind-altering pheromones (probably). Take pictures, shoot videos, do a silly voice-over. Become the memelord you always wanted to be. Then use your internet clout to sell cat-related accessories. All those silly ideas you have when you're sitting around with your friends and your cat walks in. You start doing a silly voice making it sound like the cat is talking about the weather or the cat stock market. All you need is a phone and an internet connection and you're most of the way there. You're just doing what people on the internet are pretending to do but without herpes-infested bathwater.


Rent them to hospitals/nursing homes



Old people are still people, or so I've been told. Even the ones with dementia and Alzheimer's still recognize our true overlords. So when you go spend time with your Gim-Gam, Buupo, or whatever stupid name you call them, get paid. The first couple times you may not be able to charge but after a few visits, if your cat gets along with Lolly and Pop-Pop’s bridge partners, ask the home if maybe you could come by and get some money to bring the blue hairs some joy. If you are feeling feisty and hard up for cash you can steal stuff from the residents, the nurses are doing it anyway. Just ask Gim-Gam. Bonus points your cat becomes your pimp when you hook up with that attractive nurse.


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